I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
