i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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