tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Girls should come with a carfax report
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
