Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
