it wasn't lemon gatorade
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
