Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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