I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
