Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
