New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
