I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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