tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
