My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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