My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
