Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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