Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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