Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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