I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
