she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
