She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
