my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
