I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
