You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Randomize
