you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
