Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
