last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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