There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
