Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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