Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
