if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
