I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
