Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
