then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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