i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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