At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
