I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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