I wanna passion pit in your ass
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
