we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
