one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
