shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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