UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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