We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
