i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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