they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
