So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
