you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
