I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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