just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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