i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
