six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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