I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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