I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
