hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
