Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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