Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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